This of course depends on your definition of ordinary. What's ordinary to me could be extraordinary to someone else and vice versa. So, what is the point of this exercise? Let's start with some definitions:
ordinary - of no special quality or interest; common place; unexceptional; mediocre; below average; something regular, customary or usual.
extraordinary - beyond what is ordinary, usual, regular or established.
I believe we strive to be extraordinary because it is part of our basic engineering... We constantly try to go beyond where we've been. If we've strayed off course, we find ourselves trying to get back to where we were. In any case, it's towards the common goal of being "better" than we are at any given moment.
I was asked to find an area of my life where I felt I was being ordinary in the meaning of the definition I gave earlier. I'm actually quite happy with myself and my life, and had a hard time coming up with an area where I would describe myself as "ordinary". Perhaps those who know me better would be able to help me find other areas, but the only thing I could think of was my ability to recall the right words quickly enough to express my thoughts and feelings in conversations or presentations - especially on topics I feel very passionate about. I've always felt that my vocabulary was limited by my unwillingness to put in the time and effort it takes to improve, but I never thought that it was something that was holding me back from living a more fulfilling life.
I find myself questioning this now as I look at the number of times I give up trying to explain myself fully because I'm stuck trying to find the right words. This is definitely an area where I do not feel "extraordinary". I also realize that sometimes I decide not to voice my opinion in order to avoid the disappointment I feel certain will come when I can't recall the words I need to express how I feel or explain why I do what I do effectively. I realize that the "ordinary" part of this for me, is the idea that I can be expressing my thoughts and feelings in a more effective manner - at least with people who have the same knowledge of the english language. I feel I do a much better job when I write... there's no way I'd be able to articulate myself as well verbally as I am right now by writing everything down, editing as I go and using an online dictionary and thesaurus!
When I'm not expressing my thoughts and feelings in the best way possible, I'm being inauthentic, which has an impact on the way I'm being in the world. For example, when I'm not able to explain my perspective properly, when I hold things in, when I don't make it clear where I stand, what my opinion is, or how I really feel...
- the world doesn't get to know who I really am
- I allow people to make assumptions about me
- I'm not enrolling people to causes that are important to me as effectively as I could be
- I avoid being challenged and obstruct the evolutionary journey of my values, ideas & spirituality
- I am less effective than I could be at being the change I want to see in the world
- I disappoint myself and as a result, am less happy
- I feel less spiritually fulfilled
There are also some pay offs for continuing on as I have been:
- People won't get angry and say hurtful things to me when they disagree
- It's easier because I don't have to work on my vocabulary, learn more words & definitions
- I protect myself from being hurt by people who don't share my views or values
- I maintain my "me time" I have less people asking for my time, less time needed to explain myself fully
- I have an easier time living a life of integrity as it's easier not to overcommit when you live a simple life on a smaller scope, fewer expectations, less conflict.
So, does this make me want to put the effort in to improving my vocabulary and ability to recall words quickly enough to use them verbally in conversations and presentations? Yes, of course it does... but I'm still afraid it will be a waste of time. I'll be disappointed if I don't see any improvements... BUT, if I am able to step it up and communicate more effectively, well, there's a whole world of possibilities that awaits me!
Often during these personal development exercises, I find myself coming back to the question: when is it okay for us to just accept ourselves the way we are - flaws and all? This is the the underlying theme I've grown up with... Why in this society must we always push ourselves so? I am who I am, and I'm surrounded by people who love me - flaws and all. I always come to the same conclusion: as long as we're open to the possibility of evolving into better human beings, we won't need to push ourselves, we will evolve because we are aware of the choice and we choose it. Now that I've become aware of the possibility that my limited verbal skills are holding me back from living a more fulfilled life, the shift has already begun.
As a result of this awareness, I am creating the possibility of being generous. By being generous in verbally communicating my thoughts, feelings and opinions, I will be living more authentically.
Nice to "see" you back, Kim! I am laughing as I comment on this blog post because I feel similarly, but my vocabulary limitations seem to surface when I write. I can sit face-to-face with someone and feel confident that I am making my point or that I can respond quickly, but when I try to write it's as though I can't get the words out quickly enough and often forget what I want to say or how I want to say it. I think working on my blog has helped me overcome that somewhat, but it's still an area where I struggle. Thanks for this post - your posts often hit home with me! =)
ReplyDeleteThis is perhaps one of the most eloquent examples demonstrating how you've adapted your discourse to fit in perfect harmony with the topic and audience. This is also quite ironic, given the topic is your personal verbal expressiveness (or declared lack thereof), and even more odd is that your audience is primarily yourself (not that Hethyr and I don't count). Once again, Kim, I see you elevating yourself into greatness, the extraordinary to use your words but not that there has ever been any semblance of mediocrity or even a hint of an ordinary characteristic, but definitely elevating into greatness at minimum. Most profound of all here is that you speed past your OWN standards and for your OWN reasons and come out even stronger and more magnificent than ever, each time. Well done!
ReplyDeleteHeather - so funny that you have the opposite vocabulary limitations! I love how we're all so unique... and I'm glad that you enjoyed the post! :)
ReplyDeleteThis is truly fantastic!
ReplyDelete