Something bothered me at work today... I think my manager was trying to tell me that she's okay if I want to leave and do something that makes me happier. She said that it is "hard" on a team to work with someone doesn't want to be there. Part of me says, whatever man, they're strong individuals, they can handle it - this place is full of things that make it hard for a team to function well. The other part of me is screaming 'You've got it all out of context!!"
I admit that I occasionally make things uncomfortable because I am not a natural "yes person" like so many others around me. I see what this job is doing to many of my co-workers despite the declarations of love for their work. The world is full of different types of people for good reason. I will not just "go along" with the status quo for fear of being ridiculed or judged and I will continue to speak out when I believe something is not right. You don't have to like me all of the time, but I do expect to be appreciated for the different perspectives I bring to the table. Innovation and succession always follow disturbance... don't be afraid of a little disturbance.
To hear that there's a story that I don't want to be there and it's making things hard for my team frustrates me because it's a generalization and it's being taken out of context. If there's one thing that I've done consistently throughout my life, it's been not letting fear stop me from doing what I do or do not want to do. I enjoy the work I'm doing and find it challenging, but is it the most satisfying and meaningful work that I believe I could be doing? No, it's not... but, until I find out what that is, this is exactly what I need right now. I'm not going anywhere until possibly the end of May.
Part of what bothers me so much is NOT the work itself, but the amount of work that is expected in such a condensed timeline. The acceptance and resignation that "it just needs to get done" no matter how much time it takes away from that work/life balance is another frustration. I believe that too much is being expected of everyone with no relief in sight. Growing pains? Sure, but is that a reason to accept it and suffer through? Isn't that kind of mentality for our grandparent's generation? I like to think that we've evolved from there. We know this is compromising our end product and "guest experience". How can we make products that inspire people to live a balance life while we're not living it ourselves?
So... is that the story I'm telling everyone? That I don't want to be there? If it is, then it's being misinterpreted. How do I change that? I don't enjoying being there more than I had expected to be when I accepted the position. I don't enjoy not being able to meet expectations because they are set too high. I don't like knowing that I'm responsible for things that I know I can't deliver with the quality of work I find satisfying and worthwhile.
On the other hand, I do enjoy the process of problem solving, which is exactly what I get to do. I do enjoy drawing and learning about different ways of making things. I enjoy applying the knowledge and skills that I've developed over the years and most of the time, I really enjoy the people that I'm working with. I also really want to start taking advantage of all the free fitness classes available, but I haven't been able to figure out how to fit it all in just yet. I'm enjoying that challenge as well as the challenge of living a balanced life and doing the job I was hired to do successfully.
I find satisfaction in putting the time in that's needed to get things done really well. Where's the art and craftsmanship in whipping things off even thought they're not perfect and make it difficult for interpretation? How is that elevating the world? Maybe the lesson to be learned is that I'm not suited to the fast pace of fashion... but I'm still not ready to go anywhere else just yet.
When I push myself a little, I am often surprised at what I can actually accomplish. However, if you keep pushing me without ever letting me catch my breath, you'll wear me out like all the disposable goods we've got in our world today. Is it so ingrained in our culture that we're not even aware that this is happening to us as well? One thing I know I'm not, is a disposable person.
It is my wish that you realize what a profound piece of rhetoric this is. Clearly this is all applied to your current position in your career, but the fact that you've made these ideas more broadly applicable, in my opinion, is brilliant. Maybe for the next 5 or 6 months, it's time for some Brian Tracy techniques, maybe conveyed to others at your work. Sometimes when people hear you verbalize that you are pleased with one aspect of what you are doing or with working on a particular problem or with a particular person... it stays with them longer than any negative vibe they may have gotten. Give it a try. Aim to verbalize one good thing about what you're doing each day. It's clear that you are happy with many aspects of your job, and so this should be easy and make a world of difference!
ReplyDeleteI really love this post, too, Kim. I know that we have never met, but you are truly inspiring to me. You have an incredible way with words but more than that, I love that you can make sense of your thoughts and that you're able to set attainable goals to problem-solve. Me, not so much! =) Although I'm pretty decent at problem-solving much of the time, I feel that I'm often a hot mess on the path to the solution. My thoughts are not as clear and concise as yours seem to be. I've really enjoyed your blog so far!
ReplyDeleteThis is why Kim is known in many circles of people from many walks of life to have a calming affect on those around her... even when she's going through a situation that may put others on anti-depressants or 6 gin and tonics per evening, she's calm, cool, collected, rational and can think things through and eventually convey them with the utmost of clarity and conciseness. Yep! That's Kim!
ReplyDeleteWow, thanks so much for the kind words both of you! I knew going into this current job that it was going to be hard, but I was anticipating the rewards and insights that I knew would come along. I just finished another post and I'm excited to see how this new perspective is going to affect the way I deal with "work" in the next little while.
ReplyDeleteI just try really hard to be honest with myself and try to recognize when my ego and emotions are muddying things up. I see everything that happens from at least a dozen different perspectives, if not more... it probably helps make me look calm on the outside, but it often makes me wonder if I really have my own perspective on anything.