First things first... start with the end in mind.

I've been reading through the book "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" since the summer... I'm only a third of the way through. There are basically two things that keep me from finishing: other more pressing things take up my free time, and the fact that I feel like I need to digest and answer the questions that the book raises before I can go on. At the moment, I'm stuck on the section that tells me to start with the end in mind. My problem right now is that I'm no longer sure of what the end looks like. If I could have one wish granted it really would be world peace - at least I would like to see what that would look like, as I can only assume that it would make all of our lives so much better. (That makes me want to start on another blog post titled "World Peace - those beauty queens were on to something!)

Anyway, I'm stuck because I'm really happy with my life... happy in every aspect save one - I don't feel like I'm utilizing my unique skills and talents in the best way possible to serve the world, and it leaves me feeling somewhat unsatisfied. I've decided to start blogging about my thoughts as I ponder this process... sometimes I feel like I'd like to be a writer, but I've been discouraged over the years enough to make me doubt my ability to actually write well enough to make a difference in anyone's life. I've always been good at the things I do and now I'm starting to wonder if it's been a bad thing for me in the end... never having to try or having to work for the things that I've wanted. Everything's always just happened for me, but then sometimes I wonder if there's something to that as well and maybe I should stop worrying about it and just let what's going to happen, happen again. The problem is I've always wanted something... and subconciously maybe,  it's made me strive to achieve it. Now that I don't really "want" anything that badly, I feel like I'm not achieving anything and it isn't making me feel very good about myself.

I need to find the passion again. What has changed? Why am I so blazay about everything these days? Is this what a mid-life crisis is all about? I just kind of feel like I've accomplished everything I'm capable of and now, I'm just riding out the rest of my life - but I know how horrible that sounds and I know it's not really how I feel, I just don't know what do do next. For now I guess I'm trusting that it's a process and I've just got to look deep and try to figure it out. I've got to remember what makes me tick... what gets me excited to wake up in the morning... what drives me to see what's around that next corner. I don't really remember feeling that way about anything since getting home from my honeymoon.

Start with the end in mind... first I need to figure out what I want that end to look like.